Shake it off

I haven't published one of these in a while and since I could not sleep, I thought why not? . Throughout my life, I am constantly introduced to others (and my own) ideas/concepts/schemas of how we interpret our own lives. People adopt these beliefs and manage their lives according to these thoughts. A common thought is you work hard, you will reap the benefits. Another saying I hear often is: if you train hard, you'll be faster. Or, The kinder you are to others, the kinder people will be to you, etc. Perhaps through my own experiences and also through my job, I am far too aware that these concepts don't always play out as we think they should. I cannot believe I am about to publicly admit one of my own schemas, but perhaps the late night is getting to me. I have always wanted to believe that 'bad' things should not happen to good people. However as I think about how to define a good person, I don't have a strong definition for this anymore. Before starting my career, I had a much easier time categorizing people as either bad or good. Life is just not that simple. With this all being known, I still held onto this idea that bad things should just not happen to good people. (Again, sometimes our schemas are not rational. I am well aware of this.) In my head, if bad things did happen to good people, somehow it would all work out for them in the end. Perhaps I have adopted this cahin of thoughts in order to make peace with my job. Day after day hearing about horrific trauma and loss gets to you and somehow you have to make peace with it.) With that being said, I try really hard to be an honest, caring, hard working individual. Sure, I make mistakes, hurt people, say dumb things but for the most part, I try my best. I sometimes have what people would like to call bad luck. Sometimes I am a bit careless and sometimes I move to quick. So it is not uncommon for me to do 'silly' things. Such as breaking a chair at a client's house or opening the door to a drug house where someone is shooting up. Or, my computer breaking and the guy who fixed it saying, I have never seen this happen and you must be 'special'. OR, the time my tire had 3 holes it and the car guy saying I have never seen anything like this. You get the picture, nothing horrible but just random bad luck. Some people are really lucky, others are not. So, I have kind of embraced my bad luck and laugh about it. So inline with my schema thinking, I think well if I am good person and have bad luck, one of these days I am going to be SO lucky. I am still waiting for this day, but don't worry, it will happen.
Which leads me to last night when I stopped by to see a few friends for twenty minutes and my car got towed in the short time. It was a hefty fee and I was so frustrated. On the beautiful fall evening, I looked up to the sky and thought why do I have such bad luck? As I attempted to bargain with the tow company about all the reasons they should lower my fee, I realized how ridiculous the whole concept seems. My belief that 'good' people should not have bad things happen or bad luck will eventually be good luck is completely ridiculous. First of all, the universe does not work that way, nor should it. What a miserable universe the world would become if it acted on the principal of people always being punished rather than helping them grow. I stopped and thought about the reasons why I try to be a good person and none of those reasons involved receiving anything in return. Somehow last night, I was frustrated because sometimes life can be down right annoying. I try so hard, I work so hard and it just did not seem fair that another 'bump' in the road was happening. I did not want to use my money to get back my car but I didn't have a choice. And as this is going on, I realize those two concepts (who you are as a person and what happens) are not interrelated nor should they be. As I paid the money, I was humbled and reminded about the bigger picture. Not saying that these little bumps in the road don't suck, but it helped prioritize and alter the lenses I look through. And the next day, I thought about how blessed I am to have friends who will drive me to the hood in the middle of the night and wait with me for some sketchy tow guy. Bad things happen to everyone all the time, none of us are sacrificed from frustrations, tragedy or loss. As I try to be patient about how my future unfolds, I continue to learn from these small and large 'mistakes'. When I consider what happens everyday in the community, country, world; the tow fee does not seem to matter as much. Perhaps this will help us all to remember not to sweat the (relatively) small stuff. So in the words of Taylor Swift (forgive me), shake it off. And more importantly, with out any bad luck, how could I appreciate even the smallest amount of good luck :)